just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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