so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
