she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
