Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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