Well douche your snatch and let's go!
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I can text with my tongue
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
