Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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