Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
