I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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