well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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