I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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