my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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