Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
we're so committed to being not committed
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