the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
