I want to have your abortion
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
