I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
