So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
