Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Randomize
