tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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