I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
