another moral hangover. fuck.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
