bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
