We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
