I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
