I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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