I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
