I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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