My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
