in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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