She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
