def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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