1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
