I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
