babies were throwing up all over the place
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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