i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
send nudes
from the living room?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
