My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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