Someone shit on the floor
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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