I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
