I'm really into asian looking animals
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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