You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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