Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
