I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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