i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
How does one acquire holy water?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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