He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
