Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
