What a fucking waste of an outfit
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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