We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
The air was thick with penises
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
