she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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