once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
