my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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