I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Randomize
