She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
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