she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Sorry about my life...
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
