I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
