you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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